Coffee & Conversation

[Here's a cute little ditty going around on the Internet.]

1.  Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!

Here’s another Veggie Tales clip we just have to share!  Enjoy a sweet little song about goodwill to others and a few yummy cookies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dnKKcPncQ0&NR=1

Here’s the link to a Veggie Tales clip for children of all ages.  It mixes humor with the greatest love story ever told.  Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, Jesus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOzhhzeaiv4

1. Take someone’s shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them’s cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say “Grandpa!!! You’re ALIVE!!! It’s a MIRACLE!!! etc.”
5. Take something from someone else’s cart, when they say “hey, that’s mine! ” call the security and say that the other … person was trying to take your (more…)

If you didn’t know what Auto-Tune is then shame on you.
Youtube is busting over with them. They are witty, comical, and make a good beat to dead beat politicians.
http://www.youtube.com/user/schmoyoho
Watch them in order.
They are great to get a few laughs in the day.

Sounds pretty simple, huh?

Well, this is my first posting!

 I’m so excited.  I’ve never blogged before!  I hope this thing has a spell check…  I’m computer literate, but this whole wide inter-web thing is sort of new to me. 

So, I’m supposed to write something humorous designed to help people get through the day.  Oh my.  The irony here is that lately I get through the better part of my day by dodging phone calls I’m too flustered to take and eating fried food.  Which reminds me, anybody know where I can get a Monte Cristo now that Bennigans shut down?

Since I’ve never blogged before, I’m not sure what I should do, so I think I’m going to make this a two-for.  Or, as Hope taught me, a BOGO (buy one/get one).  As this is my first posting, I figure I should introduce myself, and nothing helps me get through the day better than my boys!  As such, I think I will include some pictures of them since, as TV taught me, the simple act of petting a dog reduces your chances for heart disease…and there’s no better way to get through the day than avoiding a heart attack.  (And yes, I know, my previously mentioned fried food is counter-productive to this endeavor—I’m a glorious dichotomy.) 

One “churchy” thing about me is that I love the Sundays when we have the blessing of the animals.  If you weren’t there a couple of weeks ago, you missed something that made me smile for a straight hour!  I’m a huge animal person and when I first heard our church did this, I thought it was a joke.  I love watching the dogs pace the aisle as the cats (and occasional chicken) sit warily in their pet porters.  I especially love it when they bark or whine or “talk” during the prayers, as if joining in.  When I was little, I asked my mother if dogs went to heaven.  I could tell she wasn’t expecting the question and wasn’t quite sure how to answer, but I love what she said.  She told me that she couldn’t imagine why not, since we know that there are horses in heaven.  In true Baptist fashion, she was referring to the apocalypse, but it still brought me great hope. 

As an adult, I have ended up with three dogs and a cat, who I adore.  I would love to bring them for their blessings, but they’re so ill-behaved I don’t dare.  So, since I can’t bring them to church, please allow me to introduce my boys here as I hope they will make you smile.

Ferguson Wylie Causey-King (yes, they hyphenate) was my first-born.  Jason got him for me as a puppy when we moved away from my home state of Mississippi to help me get over being homesick.  He is a short haired, miniature red dachshund who barks constantly, hates being outdoors and is highly motivated by food.  I call him “mini-me” and we plan on being buried together, as, thanks to my mother, I have no doubt we will share our afterlife. 

 

Odell Eliot Causey-King came along shortly after.  He was a cat who Jason found in the park he was working at during a prescribed burn.  Apparently, the mother got separated from her litter of kittens, so Jason found homes for all but one of them and brought home the “runt.”  I am a dog person and Odell could sense it.  As such, he made it his mission in life to make me love him most.  Being raised by Ferguson, he is ridiculously dog-like and is by far, the most wonderful cat in the world.  He also grew to be among the biggest cats I have ever seen, and is my mighty panther.

 

That brings me to Otis Jackson Causey-King.  Otis belonged to a co-worker who was going to have to take him to the pound as her land-lord laid down the law.  I couldn’t let that happen and brought him home, telling Jason that we were just dog-sitting for the weekend.  Like Odell, Otis knew what he had to do, and by Monday had Jason wrapped around his paw.  They are inseparable. 

 

Finally, there’s Baxter Ribault Causey-King…the ugliest dog in the world.  Abandoned and left tied to a gate at Fort Caroline, Jason found him and called me to see what I thought about adopting a Shih tzu.  I said I didn’t like that idea at all as they were dirty and high maintenance.  He asked if he should take the dog to the vet or the pound and I told him the pound, since I knew if he took him to the vet, he’d name him something silly like “Baxter” and would bring him home.  You can see how that turned out.  While not pretty by any definition, a little grooming went a long way for him. 

 Before:

After:

So, that’s it:  my first post and an introduction to my boys.  In retrospect, I should have probably said something about my partner, Jason, but it’s best he knows his place…maybe later.       

So go, pet a dog, avoid heart issues and make it through the day!  I think we’d all be better off if we were as excited to wake up each morning as my little angels are. 

And seriously, if you know about that Monte Cristo, call me.

Okay, I admit it.  I’m in the closet.  No, not that one…the other one where I love diva pop singers.  When I first heard Beyonce sing that “Put a Ring On It” song, I was in my car driving home from work and I immediate broke out into spontaneous dance. 

For the record, I am a very enthusiastic dancer.  One with no rhythm whatsoever. 

All the same, I screeched into my garage, jumped out of the car and ran into the house to jot down the name of the song on a post-it note so that I would remember to play it at my reception once the state allows me to have a civil union.  Don’ worry, though…I’m not going there. 

With that history in mind, imagine my laughter when my boss sent me the following video this past Friday as an attempt to try and get me to be in a good mood for some other reason than it just being the end of the week.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do…and I dare you not to smile (and if you succeed…I’m not sure I want you to read my stuff anymore).     Just click here: Dancing Baby !!!

Funny AND Inspirational!

From the Daily Show !

I figured I’d better post something on here, since I’m now a blog admin (not quite sure how that happened) and I made everyone else do it at our blog meeting the other day.  I just have a few, marginally related things to say:

• For those of you who haven’t seen it, Father Marty’s videolog is awesome.  That guy is funny.
• Speaking of awesome, kudos to my mom and all the tech-savvy people at St. George’s who got the website and blog up and running.  I had a conversation with one of my friends the other day on the way to the church that went something like this:

“What are you up to?”
“Not much – just heading to my mom’s work to help with her new blog.”
[pause]
“Your mom has a blog?”

 

 

• I had a great time at the W5 this Wednesday!  If you guys ever decide you want to have it in Miami Beach one week, I can host
• Finally, I thought everyone would appreciate this cartoon:

That’s about it.  Looking forward to reading everyone’s updates!